Tuesday, October 13, 2015

It's OK.


“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart, for I have overcome the world.”  Matthew 16:33




Over the span of the last 19 months, there have been a few people that have come to me with a dream they experienced with John.  As crazy as it may sound, it seems like when I have a tough few days or weeks where my emotions are shot, John pays a visit to a good friend.    

I’ve never been a woman that is comfortable showing tears to others.  I’ve always been pretty private with this kind of thing.  There are quite a few places I travel during the work week for hours with no service, so it becomes my time alone with my thoughts.  I think anyone that has lost someone significant will tell you that a lot of thinking time can lead to a break down.  This is when I find myself letting everything out.  Distraction is everything when it comes to loss, so when all I have are my thoughts, everything surfaces.  

The last two weeks have felt heavier than usual.  Maybe it’s another beautiful fall in the mountains, another Gauley season, a promotion, watching the progress of my house move forward?  Maybe it is simply more change and decision making without him.  Oddly enough, within the last week, I’ve had two friends come to me with a dream experience that left both of them in tears.  

I have been lucky enough to have one truly vivid dream of John since his passing.  I have never experienced anything like it before or since that one dream, but going through this left me wanting so much more, for it seemed so real.  In my dream, John and I were able to speak and touch.  He told me how sorry he was for leaving me too soon, but that he was needed by God and had much to accomplish.  He assured me he could hear my thoughts and would watch over me.  He promised he would come visit every now and then.  He told me to go forward.  I remember he was glowing.  I remember his smile.  It was so obvious to me during this time with him that he was at peace, that he had a purpose.  I will never forget it.

There have been six individuals that I know of that experienced an encounter with John in their own dreams over the last 19 months, all at different times.  All six described their experience to me as the most vivid dream they had ever had.  I thought about each story while driving today and wanted to share their time with him.  

My mom spent time with John by the river.  Throughout her experience she told John what had happened, and the pain I was going through, how she was worried.  I was in this dream with her, about 100 yards behind John walking along the river banks.  She described John as beautiful and full of light, with a huge smile on his face.  She said he looked perfect.  He continued to look at her as she talked and simply said over and over, “it's ok, it's ok, everything is ok." She said while I was down the river, he continued to gaze over at me and just smile, reassuring her that all was ok.  

My sister spent time with John in the sky.  She flew over mountains and rivers with him.  She said she had never seen colors like these before and while she couldn’t see John, she knew in this dream that she was seeing the world from his view point and it felt incredible.  

My friend Harrison ran into John outside of a jazz bar.  Harrison had so many questions for John about what happened to him on the river, asking what caused him to drown.   Harrison said John was glowing with a huge radiant smile on his face.  He said while no words were spoken, John just continued to smile at Harrison and simply faded away.

My friend Paula was on a walk in her dream and saw a rainbow appear in the sky.  In that rainbow she saw John’s smile and heard the sounds of jazz funk music.  

My friend Scott (who has never met John), found himself collecting fire wood with John.   He said it was as if John and I had never been apart, and we both seemed so happy.  He said that during this dream, he realized that he was speaking with John’s spirit for his physical presence was gone.  He said while this made him feel sad, it was so clear that both of us were happy and at peace, as if no time had passed at all. 

My friend Sarah experienced John at her house.  She said he was just the way he had always been; sarcastic, thoughtful and hilarious.  She said her 2 year old Henry got to meet John in this dream.  She said John was helping me get rid of things, explaining what I needed to let go of, what should be given away. She said John and I laughed and laughed until we cried. 

I have to tell you friends, when I have those tougher weeks where I feel weary and burdened, I look back to the experiences these individuals have had with my husband, and things simply feel lighter.  Through these dreams, I feel as if I can see a bigger picture well beyond what is happening right now.  I can tell you that these individuals who have found John in their dreams have been a huge support to me throughout my loss.   I'd like to believe that John checks in from time to time, just as he said he would. 

“Your laugh is what I am holding onto from that dream, and his face.  You were laughing the way that you used to with him.  Belly laughs, holding your stomach, can’t stand up straight.”  Sarah Fought

I am so grateful to the individuals that have had an experience with John and took the time to tell me about it.  I find each experience so incredible and touching.  I believe these experiences through each dream are a reflection of God’s love for these individuals, for John, for me.  A reminder of what is to come, and that it's ok. 












No comments:

Post a Comment