Lori

I met Lori while paddling the North Fork of the Smith River in Northern California in January 2014.  I had never been on a river as beautiful as this one and Lori happened to be in the large group that John and I joined that day.  We were still very new to Oregon and were invited to go on this trip on a beautiful winter Sunday.  It was a wonderful day on the river with so many friendly people that immediately welcomed us into the group.  Lori and I exchanged numbers that day.  I knew immediately I wanted to be her friend.  She was every person’s cheerleader that day and literally smiled through every rapid.  If someone felt nervous or gripped, you’d see Lori paddling over to them, telling them they were capable of getting through each rapid.  She had an energy to her that was contagious to others and her laugh could be heard throughout the entire canyon that day.  I needed more of that in my life.

       

Shortly after this trip, John lost his life on the upper South Fork of the Smith River.  John went missing around 12pm on March 9th.  After search and rescue called it quits around 9pm that evening, and after Jared and I called it quits around midnight, we called those within the kayaking community for help.  Lori showed up the next morning around 4am to help search for John.  She was the only female in the group of four that found him and led the rescue mission.  She was one of the main reasons that his body was recovered from the river allowing me to see him and touch him and kiss him one last time. What Lori had to go through that day, I simply could not.  Lori quickly became someone I looked up to and developed a deep respect for on and off the river as a woman that held her own.

Lori showed up at my house about a week after losing John in her beat up truck with additional girls, her ukulele, wine and ice cream.  She stayed with me for a few weeks, and did everything from walking my dog Jake to watering my plants, cooking meals, laundry, to just sitting with me in silence.    I met some of my best friends because of Lori.  In my shock and anger and grief and devastation, Lori surrounded me with strong minded women that poured their love and support into me as if we had known each other for centuries.  These women became my family out west and to this day are loves of my life.

When I felt brave enough to get back in my boat again and paddle the last river John and I had paddled together, Lori led the mission and rallied these warrior women to paddle along side me.  They all stood with me as I climbed the rock John and I had last sat together and released his ashes.  It was a moment of honor and respect from these women and the river that I will never forget.

A year later, Lori who had never mountain biked explored an epic 15 mile red wood trail mission with me in Northern California.  This was the kind of riding where you climb forever in hopes of finding a rewarding down hill.  She had no bike helmet so she wore her kayak helmet instead.  She made the entire thing look easy that day.

Lori took John with her to the Grand Canyon and made a point to spread him in the most beautiful places.

Lori took me on my first multi-day river trip on the Wild and Scenic Rogue River in Oregon.  She gave me a boat, gear, and paddled along side me in those moments were I felt John so close.  She did a 13 mile hike with me just so we could find the perfect water fall to release more of John.  Every single person on this trip made me feel like family and the love and excitement they had for the beauty all around us was something I had to get more of.  Lori always seemed to be in the center of that energy.

When I think about my dear friend, she truly picked me up off of the ground when I couldn’t pick myself up.  We had only met each other once before John’s death and exchanged numbers, yet she showed up and did the unthinkable when I could not.  She treated me like a sister and helped me feel alive again.  When breathing hurt, Lori told me to keep breathing, keep paddling, keep exploring, find my next adventure.  Lori knew how to bring women together.  She understood the importance of this incredible bond and it was something I took with me when I moved to Fayetteville.  It was something I kept close to my heart when I left Oregon.  It is a value that changed me and really made me into the woman I discovered after losing my first husband.  Surround yourself with badass women always.  I would not have survived without Lori’s love and friendship and I am so grateful for the life long friendships I made through her.  

I miss my friend.  I don’t want to live in a world without Lori.  I feel angry, empty, guilty and shocked by the loss of her.  Lori was always there for me when I needed her.  Her excitement for life, adventure and laughter was contagious.  I always wanted more of it when I was around her.  She knew how to make people laugh, yet she was the kind of friend you wanted around in your darkest moments.  To be both of those to someone is an art and takes a different soul.  Lori had that.  She was always a woman I wanted to be more like.   

Lori, I love you and I am so sorry.   You will always be a warrior woman to me and every time I walk among the trees, I’ll remember you dear friend.  I picture you now smiling, with all your curly red hair, pushing off into a river, laughing the entire way down each rapid.  We all need more of that and I am so grateful to have known your wild soul.  I love you always and forever.