Jars of Clay

“For God who said, ‘Let light shine out of the darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.  It is written, “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”  All of this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause Thanksgiving to over flow to the glory of our creator.  Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4

My mom asked me a few days before Thanksgiving if I would do the blessing for our family this year.  I agreed to this feeling I would more than likely wing it two wine glasses in before dinner.  What can I say, my family has always enjoyed participating in cocktail hour before big meals and during the holidays with big family gatherings this is something I enjoy as well.

This Thanksgiving  morning,  I woke up while it was still dark and remembered I was in charge of this event before dinner and started thinking about what I should say.  I came across some scripture in Corinthians that seemed to grasp me that morning. I decided I would read these verses to my family and friends before praying with them. Things didn’t go as smoothly as I planned.  The moment I began to read the words to them, I was overwhelmed with emotion and longing I haven’t felt in a while that turned to tears.  I forced myself through each word, yet I am not really sure if I did any good or helped impact anyone, because my pain got the best of me in that moment.  And yes this was all sober:)

Lying here now I’ve been thinking about why I chose this particular scripture, why I felt it was important to hear as family and friends gathered for a meal.  The book of Corinthians consisted of letters written by the apostle Paul to the church of Corinth.  Basically, it was a hot mess there.  The people had turned against each other, they weren’t functioning as a community anymore and it was pretty much every man for himself.  Complete chaos.   In a much more beautiful way than I’m describing it,  Paul’s letters to the church explain how powerful God’s love is and how important it is that they love one another and love God.  How incredible joy comes from this kind of love.  He encourages them to let go of all the hate, self-destruction, greed, jealousy, lust, dishonesty, and come back to these two basic desires from God.  Love him and love each other.

I thought about all the people yesterday that didn’t get a meal, that didn’t have family to spend this holiday with.  I thought about how I had more than plenty.  I thought about why that is.  While I have no answer for each person’s chapter, I do believe we are all working towards going home one day.  I believe there is a pull in each of us that makes us question what is beyond this world because it never quite feels like enough.  At least for me, it has always felt like there is something more, something bigger.  I thought about John’s purpose as I read these words and what purpose he serves now at a bigger scale.  What purpose all those that have gone before us now serve.

I said before that my every day problems are nothing compared to the reality of what is going on around this world.  I had a good Thanksgiving.  I even get to go see most of John’s family today and spend time with them.  I have so much support and love coming from so many.

I think I chose these words for this blessing because I wanted to acknowledge that we so easily find ourselves in situations like the people of Corinth.  We judge, we become jealous, angry, defeated, dishonest, we sometimes say things that are hurtful.  We don’t always consider everyone’s situation, why they are the way they are, where they’ve come from.  We let family dynamics get the best of us and turn away from our families when some people have no family at all.  We let things fester, we hold grudges, we become stubborn.  My prayer for my family, really for everyone is that we acknowledge that yes these feeling do surface, but through acknowledgement they don’t have to own us or over take us.  Our worst day may be someone’s best day.

 My prayer is that no matter what chapter each person find’s themselves in and no matter how awful it is, that they can hold tight to Paul’s words, “this is temporary compared to what is to come and worth it.”  When I really put that into perspective, how short this life can be, I realize that all those feelings that fester truly are not from God, they are from me, and they simply don’t matter.

I believe we all have a bigger purpose we are working towards.  We’re all heading home one day.   We have the free will to chose how we get there and what path we take.  My hope is that as we move into a new year, yet another chapter, that we look at how we can let our light shine through the darkness of this world, regardless of our pain.  How chosing even a small act of kindness makes such a difference. My hope is that we each can tap into the treasure he gives us in jars of clay, that we ask what our purpose is, that we again continue to chose love over our pain and let that flow to others that need it.

My Thanksgiving focused on what is unseen, what is eternal.   I am beyond grateful for my hope in that, for my hope in going home.  For that chapter far outweighs any pain I find myself in now.  My prayer is that others can feel that too no matter what.

Choose LOVE

"There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to.  It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us.  This universal force is LOVE.  When scientist looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force.  Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it.  Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others  Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness.  Love unfolds and reveals.  For love we live and die.  Love is God and God is love."  Albert Einstein

I feel as if over the last few weeks I've had somewhat of a reality check with my life compared to what is going on around the world right now.  As I lay here in my warm bed this morning, there are children out there sleeping outside.  Children that won't eat today.  People living in fear.  Other's with so much hate they want to kill.  The sad thing is, I feel as if it's been more on my mind this week than many other weeks simply because of the horrific attacks that took place in Paris.  In reality, this has been going on for a long time, I've just chosen to look deeper over the past few weeks.  Shame on me for that.  

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss John.  He's on my mind all the time.  When I am alone, when I am with others, he is always there.  I ache for him.  Most of the smells from his old clothes have faded, what I would give to have just that scent back even for a few minutes would probably disgust you.  I miss all things John.  I miss myself with John.  I miss being married.  I miss the stupid things that annoyed me.  I miss his piles of junk, his bike projects, his messy car.   I miss his cooking., I even miss folding his clothes.  These are my day to day problems, my complete self-absorption.  This is my pain, my world problem.   

I've taken a hard look at my life over the last few weeks and I have a few things to say about it.  

I have beyond what I need.  I am clothed, I am warm, I don't know what it is like to starve.  I have a job, a house, and I live in a town where I feel safe.  I have amazing friends and a family that loves me.  I am healthy and active.  I've experienced incredible Love.  I am free.  I am alive.  

My life is not hard.  My life is full of blessings and favor every day that I don't deserve.  I didn't earn.  When I think about what not only happened in Paris, but adults and children around the world that are not safe, that are starving, that are being terrorized, my heart just aches.  It aches here in my warm house with my simple life.  I have nothing to complain about, nothing I absolutely need.  I am completely fine.  But what about them?  What about the life path they have and didn't ask for?   Why were they dealt this card?  These questions baffle me for I have no answers.  

I've been praying over the last few months about what to do with my finances, where I should give.  I used to give to food organizations when I lived in Richmond.  After working in one  at a volunteer event I was blown away by the amount of work these ladies did and the help they needed.  I was blown away by how many kids in Richmond don't get meals.  So I gave to that.  

I feel as if God has been calling me to search for this for a while now, I admit to you that I've put it off.  I believe God blesses us as we pour out blessings to others.  He gives with the intention for you to give.  It again goes back to two simple commands.  Love me and love your neighbor.  I feel as if God is weeping over the fall in humanity our world is seeing.  The hate that is spreading.  

Two organizations came across my path over the last week.  Samaritan's Purse based out of Boone, NC and the Fayette County Food Bank here in Fayetteville, WV.  I'm going to give to both of them going forward.  I feel that this is small compared to what is truly needed but I'll start here and continue to seek direction and clarity.

I'm praying for the people of Syria, the people of Paris, the people of Kenya.  I am praying for those that hate.  I don't know what the answer is or where this world is heading, but I believe God weeps at the hate.  Free will was not intended for this.  Free will was intended for LOVE, choosing LOVE over the hate. 

I can only hope that what is happening around our world is not only a reality check for me, but for many others.  I can only speak for myself, but I can promise you that I'm not having a bad day, I am not struggling.  My pain is real to me yes, but my life is still full of joy, full of plenty.  I hope all those around the world with plenty will pause and consider what is happening around our world before you choose negative feelings, before you choose judgment and dislike.  Think about those kids that are scared.  What can you do to help?  How can you choose LOVE?

Thanksgiving is approaching.  This has always been one of my favorite holidays.  We don't do it enough, but I believe it is a great opportunity to show love to others, gratitude to others.  Gratitude to my creator.  I looked through pictures over the last year of friends and family that have shown me acts of LOVE and kindness.  There are so many acts, I could include hundreds on this blog.  I felt humbled by the amount of people that took time out of their day to love me.  Even the amazing animals that have taken time to love me. I didn't deserve it or earn it.  I wasn't in need.  Yet, blessings flowed to me.

"In all things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will every be able to separate us from the Love of God."  Romans 8:37-38

Love is God and God is Love.  Albert Einstein had it right.  It really is that simple.  I hope all of you reading this will chose LOVE not just today or this week for the holidays, but for life.  Choose to help.  Through your actions, your choices, your passions.  How you let your blessings flow out to others that need you.  Choose LOVE.

I am so grateful to those that have chosen Love with me. Thank you.